Cell Phones on The Farm

SAM - I decided, Hoot needs a cell phone.

HOOT - I do need a cell phone.

NANNY - Why does Hoot need a cell phone?

SAM - She's out more since Anton started driving and I thought it was important for us to be able to contact her and so that she can call us if she has to.

HOOT - And everyone has cell phones, I can talk to all of my friends whenever I want.

VERN - Yeah, but that means all of your friends can talk to you whenever they want, what if you don't want to talk with them?

HOOT - There's caller ID on cell phones, I can see who's calling and not answer.

VERN - Then they can see when you're calling and not answer.

HOOT - They will answer when I call.

VERN - But what if they don't.

HOOT - Because maybe they can't answer just then.

NANNY - Stop bickering! Hoot, Vern's just looking to aggravate you. I think that's a wonderful idea Sam.

SAM - So I did some research.

VERN - Of course.

SAM - Research is generally better than impulse Vern. Consideration had to be given to the distance from the various cell towers in relation to our location here on the farm. There was the base price of each phone versus each companies single, double or group plans. Minutes used versus a flat or variable rate. The necesity for various features like text messaging, caller ID, photo capabilities as compared to the needs of each of the various users. Thus, I bought a plan that seems to work best around here.

VERN - What did he say?

HOOT - He shopped around and found some phones. When do I get my phone?

SAM - In just a moment.

HOOT - You have it now? Give it to me.

SAM - Yes I have it now, let me finish explaining.

HOOT - What's there to explain?

SAM - I guess you're right, there's nothing to explain except that I got four of them, one for each of us.

VERN - I don't need a cell phone Sam.

NANNY - I don't know what I would do with one either. Save the money and take mine back.

SAM - They didn't cost anything, I bought one and got three more free.

HOOT - OK, that's enough explaining, I need one, so just give me my phone. I can't wait to call Anton.

Sleep Debt

VERN - What the hell is a sleep debt?

HOOT - It's when you don't get enough sleep over a long time.

VERN - So what's Anton been doing that he isn't sleeping?

HOOT - He's been chatting on his computer until late every night and his Mom gets him up early.

NANNY - When did Anton get a computer that can talk?

HOOT - No, it's like a telephone on the computer but you type messages instead of talking.

NANNY - Well that seems like it would take a forever, why not just use the telephone?

HOOT - Because you don't have to pay long distance to chat on the computer.

VERN - So who does Anton chat with?

HOOT - With me a lot until I go to bed and he's made friends all over the world.

NANNY - Well, if he's chatting with you it wouldn't be long distance to call. It certainly makes more sense for him to use the telephone.

HOOT - But he can chat with many people at the same time.

VERN - Boy needs to chat less and sleep more. Why the hell does he chat with you? He sees you every day at school and he's here every day too.

SAM - There's considerable debate among scientists about sleep debt. I believe it exists. Most people think that when you miss an hour of sleep all you have to do is sleep an extra hour another time. However, for each hour of lost sleep there's another hour of wakefulness. One actually has to sleep about an hour and twenty minutes to an hour and thirty minutes for each hour of lost sleep. Thus, one who routinely sleeps just six hours a night during the week and requires eight hours should probably sleep twelve to fourteen hours a night on the weekends. Further, someone with a long standing chronic habit of sleeping too few hours may need to take a vacation to get enough extra sleep to repay their sleep debt.

VERN - What did he say?

HOOT - He said leave Anton alone, it's OK if he takes a nap in the TV room.

You Gettin' Lippy?

VERN: What the hell is lip augmentation?



SAM: Where did you hear about lip augmentation?









VERN: Brandi. I took her to the movies last night and couldn't hear a damn thing over her yakking about lip augmentation.









SAM: Most would consider it a surgical process, various substances are approved for injection or other implantation in the lips to make them appear larger. I don't know the current procedures, but there were some problems with past procedures involving the use of certain silicone products.



VERN: Silicone...like bathroom caulking?

SAM: I haven't ever thought about it that way, but yes, it probably is similar to bathroom caulking.



VERN: Why would they do that?

SAM: To look more like Angelina Jolie.

VERN: They'll need more than bathroom caulking in their lips.

SAM: True. Very true.

VERN: That elf princess on The Rings movie has nice lips.



SAM: Liv Tyler?

VERN: Yeah, that's her. And the actress in the Bond movie, Christmas something or other.

SAM: Denise Richards?

VERN: Yeah, those are nice lips.

SAM: I would call them luscious.



VERN: Luscious!?

SAM: Why not?

VERN: Luscious lips. Luscious lips are not made with bathroom caulking.

SAM: Nope, the best lips are made by nature.