The Enlightenment of Reverend Marvel

Nanny finds her joy in keeping the farm running and taking care of the family. She doesn't have time for TV or riding into the city for movies, but she does look forward to the annual tent revival on the town square. She's spent the last year ticking the days off the calendar in anticipation of this year's revival hosted by her favorite evangelist, the Reverend Moses Marvel. The first night of this five day event was tonight:

VERN: Ah, come on Nanny, you got to admit that was the most excitement we've seen around town for a coon's age. Quit slamming those pots around and admit it.

NANNY: You better just shut your mouth Vernon or I'll smite you from here to next week.

HOOT: What's the matter Nanny? Uncle Vern, what did you do to Nanny!

SAM: What's going on? How was the tent revival?

NANNY: Well Sam, Why don't you ask your good for nothing, hyena faced Uncle?

VERN: For the first time ever I'm glad I was there.

NANNY: It was disgraceful. Everyone laughed except me and Agnes. I just don't know what's happened to the world, what's happened to good manners and respect for men of the cloth?

HOOT: Will somebody tells us what happened at the revival?

VERN: Well, we got there early, like Nanny wanted. I had to help Agnes to their seats in the front row, you know how slow that old relic walks. You'd think someone shot HER foot off. By the time I got back to the truck some jackass had it blocked in,and by the time I walked back to the tent to find the guy, the singin had already started.

NANNY: Rev. Marvel started right off with Christ Arose, near made the hair stand up on my arms, his voice is just that clear and deep.

VERN: Just as they belted out Hallelujah Christ Arose this big banner rolled down from the top of the water tower, smack dab in the spot lights. It said "Bong Hits for Jesus". "Bong" was right over Reverend Marvel's head.

NANNY: Half naked boys up there, whistling and shouting and pointing at their poorly lettered sign. It was shameful and then that Mary Peterson got the giggles.

VERN: And you know how Mary Peterson is, she gets that snort going when she laughs. Didn't take long before everyone was laughing.

NANNY: Not me and Agnes!

HOOT: Oh no, this sounds like something Anton would think of, he wasn't up there was he?

VERN: Hell Hoot, Anton won't even wear shorts, much less take his shirt off. Looked like the Hendershot brothers and that Cooter Woods.

HOOT: What happened then, Nanny?

NANNY: The Reverend couldn't understand why everyone stopped singin and were pointing up at the choir. He turned around, saw that sign from hell, dropped his microphone and marched right back to the miracle bus with all his people trailin' right behind.

VERN: The old charlatan took off so fast that rug he wears on his head tipped right over his eyes.

HOOT: Was everything on the sign spelled right? If it was it couldn't have been Cooter...maybe Junior Simples, he likes to climb the water tower.

NANNY: I don't care who they were, I'm just glad the Sheriff caught them. I so wanted to hear Reverend Marvel, he hasn't preached a tent meeting close enough for me to go to in years. I was so proud that he would see the improvements we made to the park.

SAM: Nanny, how much DID you donate to the Jaycees to help pay for the lights on the water tower?

NANNY: I wanted everyone to see the new water tower, running water is a blessing. Only those who remember not having it understand.

SAM: That's a good point Nanny, too many of us don't recognize our luxuries and privileges. Clean, running water is a great benefit, most people on the planet don't have it. And the boys who put up the banner copied their sign from the one in the Supreme court case last year.

HOOT: Ooh, like that's a surprise! As if anyone around here has ever had an original idea.

NANNY: We had a perfect view of that water tower until those boys got in the way. I just don't know why everyone found half naked teenagers so darn funny. Agnes and I certainly didn't see anything funny about those skinny hooligans. There's a time and place for everything and if those boys wanted to tell everyone about their bongo drums for Jesus, they shoulda done it with some dignity.

HOOT: Nanny, you and Agnes don't know what a bong is, do you?

Late By GPS

NANNY: I've never been so late for anything. Why did you go that way?

SAM: We were late for the appointment, but there was no harm, the Doctor wasn't ready for you until just after we got there.

NANNY: Vern would have got me there on time. Vern knows that 15 minutes early is on time and on time is LATE! Made me miss hearing about Lurilines grandchildren in the waiting room.

SAM: The GPS provides the most direct route between locations Nanny, it's a technological miracle.

NANNY: Might be the most direct way, but it certainly ain't the quickest. Only a fool goes down route 26 during hay season. Lady in that box doesn't even speak American.

SAM: We would have been there early if not for the hay wagons, that's true. The GPS voice has an English accent. I think it sounds cultured.

NANNY: Everyone knows not to use that road on a sunny day during hay season. Besides, we don't need that GPS thing for trips up to the city, been driving there for twenty years, it's ridiculous.

SAM: Local common knowledge does have value. Perhaps there's a way to add such data to navigation systems. But then again, much of it would be unnecessary. How many travelers would use it. Sometimes technology is extraneous.

NANNY: That's what I said!

Use Your Words - Correctly

SAM: What are you doing Nanny?

NANNY: I'm making picket signs. Do you know that the library is trying to BAN BOOKS? I couldn't believe it, they got 'em all stacked up on a table right in front of the WINDOW...

SAM: Nanny, wait, I think you've misunderstood....

NANNY: Bet that idiot friend of Vern's is behind this - looks like they're preparing to set them books alight. You wouldn't believe the books they have on that table: the Harry Potter series! Judy couldn't get her boys to read so much as the back of a cereal box till that Harry Potter came along. Now them boys are readin' everything they can get their hands on...

SAM: ...if you'll just let me explain...

NANNY: Shameful! Just shameful what they're doin down at the library. The Bluest Eye, Huckleberry Finn, Lord of the Flies, James and the Giant Peach? What kind of knucklehead thinks Where's Waldo is dangerous readin'? Must be those tight buns the librarians wear, made 'em crazy as bed bugs and dumb as fence posts. We got free speech in this country! Your very own Uncle lost a foot insuring that freedom and don't even get me started on the rest of your relatives, Sam. McFadden men have been fighting for our right to read or write whatever we want since the Revolutionary War. No damn librarian is gonna ban a book while I have breath left in me!

SAM: Nanny! Just Stop! The Library isn't banning books, they're celebrating Banned Books Week, it's an opportunity for the public to see the books people TRY to ban or challenge and to celebrate the fact that no matter how much people would like to censor our reading, they can't. According to the American Library Association: Banned Books Week (BBW) celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one's opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular. Those books are up on that table as examples, that's all.

Well, Nanny, are you going to say something?

NANNY: Seems to me that a bunch of people what makes their living on words ougta have a better name for celebratin books than Banned Books Week. But what do I know?

Under Construction!

Sam, Vern, Hoot, Nanny, Anton and the rest of our family from the Farm in BFE have gone on hiatus to discuss just how to proceed with Sam's social experiment on their family. Then there's that little problem with the FBI...no matter, look for more adventures coming this Fall 2007.