Vern Takes the Twins for a Ride

HOOT:
Why did you get a ticket?

NANNY:
It's my fault, I told Vern he needed some spring spirit.

SAM:
Vern's never been too excited about the change in seasons.

VERN:
I didn't need no damn spring spirit, I was just fine.

NANNY:
Well you just don't seem happy like a person should. The sun is finally shining, the snow has all melted and you're all gloomy.

VERN:
NOW I have a reason to be gloomy.

HOOT:
But why did you get a ticket?

NANNY:
Vern took Jack and Jake with him in the flatbed to get a rhododendron bush for that bare corner by the barn...

HOOT:
What happened to Jack and Jake!

VERN:
Jack and Jake are just fine, nothing happened to no one; cept me, I got a ticket cause the twins wasn't in car seats.

HOOT:
Judy has car seats for them.

VERN:
There's no good way to put them seats in that old truck. I figured if I was gonna have to rig a way to put the seats in I might as well rig a way to fasten in Jack and Jake.

HOOT:
Car seats are made to hold children.

VERN:
I didn't need no damn car seats! I got bungee cords. I told Joey them bungee cords was just as good as car seats. He said the twins could get outta the bungee cords so I told him to try. He couldn't get'em out and then he said maybe that was even more dangerous and wrote out a ticket.

SAM:
The momentum of child in a vehicle traveling at 30 mph is considerable. The effects of a sudden stop are comparable to falling from a three-story building. The consequent injuries can be cranial trauma, permanent debilitating brain injury, even epilepsy.

VERN:
What did he say?

NANNY:
He said next time use the car seats.

VERN:
I still think it's damn stupid, they're three years old, they shouldn't need no baby seats and them boys couldn't a been any safer. That old truck's built as good as a Humvee and rides nicer.

HOOT:
The law is the law Uncle Vern.

VERN:
I'm probably gonna have to pay two fines cause there's two of'em.